Transforming Personal Trauma and Devastation into Drive and a Sheer Will to Succeed.

Something that most of my readers don’t know about me is that I struggled very severely to have children.  It was during my stubborn quest to make it through multiple miscarriages that I found my love for writing.  After my fifth miscarriage we were able to make my sixth pregnancy a success. I gave birth prematurely (after much bed-rest and struggle) to my son Cannon. He is perfect and we thank God every single day for the miracle we were given with his birth. He is now 4.

After having Cannon I suffered two more miscarriages before the delivery of my daughter Kimber. She is now a healthy little spite-fire two year old, and we absolutely adore everything about her. The entire journey was very lengthy, intense, as well as physically and emotionally painful in every way. I actually considered writing a memoir in contribution to miscarriage awareness, as each and every loss was uniquely devastating.  No two miscarriages are alike nor is any one easier than another.  Many women out there don’t receive the support necessary to deal with such loss.

But, my husband vetoed the entire book. He is a very private and reserved man, and doesn’t believe in sharing such intimate details of one’s life with strangers.  I respect his wishes to keep those details out of the public eye, as do I admire his intimacy in keeping our shared emotions between us as a couple. So, I took the 20k words I had already invested into the book and pressed the delete button, never to pick up that project again!

So, back to the situation at hand.  It was because of this emotional roller coaster that I completely threw myself into my writing.  At first it was a much needed distraction. After my first book was released and I began pulling in feedback both negative AND positive, my writing quickly turned into a personal quest of self improvement.  I loved the feeling of empowerment and determination. It helped me to heal!!  I felt like a capable and strong human being after being pounded repeatedly with an overwhelming a sense of  incompetency.

I released my third novel last fall, and now have a home overflowing with love and the sound of my laughing children.  I have undergone a hysterectomy and no longer carry the constant nagging fear of another loss. My physical pain has been endured and I finally have the family that I fought so hard for.

I still have bad days where I allow myself to feel the losses of my failed pregnancies.  Especially in the spring, because that is when the due dates of a few of my unborn babies was supposed have been. I accept those mournful days and take them with a grain of salt.  I think it’s important to FEEL as a part of the healing process, in order to move forward. Not only do I finally have my family life in order, but my writing career is such an amazing blessing. It has given me something MORE.  A quest to achieve, and because I was able to endure so much personal pain and anguish, I feel like I have been given the gift of mental tools.  It’s a gift that I needed in order to pursue my dreams with passion and purpose!! I found my drive amidst pain, and I’m grateful to maintain such a perspective.  I can only hope that other women going through multiple miscarriages can be blessed enough to find a passion, such as I did!

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26 Comments Add yours

  1. How ironic that our trials that take us through depths of pain and despair also nurtures us. Peace and blessings to you and your family.

    Keep writing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Didi Oviatt says:

      It absolutely is! And thank you 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tiana says:

    I am so sorry that this is something you had to go through. The pain of a miscarriage is something I could never imagine. I am glad that you found a passion in writing on your quest to heal.

    However, I can’t help but feel a bit of sadness that your project was deleted. I completely understand the need for privacy, but at the same time I feel a story like that could have that could be such a powerful and hopeful one that could give strength to women who have also gone through that kind of experience. I do hope that you would revisit the themes in a fiction piece where you can tell that story, but through a characters eyes with different experiences from your own. I am so sorry you have had to experiences, and it may not be something I should say, but it feels important that I say it, that you could be a light of healing for so many other people, even if it isn’t a memoir or fully your story. Thank you for this post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Didi Oviatt says:

      I completely agree!! I’ve talked to so many women with simalar experiences who where able to actually open up and express their emotions with me when they didn’t have anyone else to talk to that could actually relate… its very therapeutic to share and express emotions with others going through it!! Id be absolutly honored to be a voice and help other women along their healing journey! In all honestly being torn between the want to help and the need to respect my husbands determination in staying private is very dificult… I’m hoping with time he’ll agree to at least a fictional piece 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Tiana says:

        It’s awesome that you’ve spoken with many women and have had such good experiences with that! I really do hope that a fictional piece will be a possibility in the future! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on Wanda D. Jefferson and commented:
    Didioviatt has a blog worth reading

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great post….reblogging and I am glad your on ” The Great Bloggers List”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Didi Oviatt says:

      Thank you!! I feel it’s a powerful message. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. So sorry for your losses. This was a tearful story. I am happy that you have found something to help with the grief. You have two treasures, that I am sure bring you much joy and happiness. I can not imagine going through what you did, and being so strong. You really are an inspiration.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Didi Oviatt says:

      Thank you!! Im truly blessed to have both of my little miracles!! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m so sorry Didi that you and your husband went through this hell before you had your two little angels. When I was still working as a children’s librarian, one of our patrons suffered three miscarriages before successfully having twins, and I remember how devastating it was for her. I’m so glad things have worked out for you!😗

    Like

    1. Didi Oviatt says:

      It is very devistating.. I’m so glad she was finally blessed with her two miracles too!! I love hearing about success after the strugle. There are so many who are never actually able to have children… my heart just bleeds for them 😔

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My husband and I made a conscious decision not to have children because…well…let’s just say we both have dicey family backgrounds, genetically and otherwise. I have to be honest though and say that I’ve always felt a certain emptiness because of that decision. Now that I’ve become disabled and can no longer work with children it’s definitely added to my depression.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Didi Oviatt says:

        I’m so sorry you have to carry such an emptyness. It’s powerful the motherly instincts we have (with or without the presence of our own children) I’ve got to say that was an amazingly strong decision you made, it’s very respectable!! I have a real comforting feeling that in the years you spent working with kids, you were able to have a very wonderful impact on many of them. Youre very kind so I can only imagine the positivity and encouragement you gave them 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Thanks so much Didi. Because of my traumatic childhood I always tried to give the kids who came in all the love and respect they deserve. 🤗

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Julie says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of your loss! Having experienced 3 miscarriages myself, my heart breaks for you, and I just want to say thankyou for having the courage to share your experiences here and also to respect your husbands wishes.Year heart is so incredibly beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry for your loss as well Julie. Its jus as hard everytime. Thanks for reading 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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