Writing is possibly the most time consuming obsession one can have. Novels don’t happen over night, books aren’t read in ten minute sittings, and perfecting such a craft can’t be done in random spurts. When I first started in on writing books, it was a mere hobby meant to distract my mind from current health troubles and hardships. It worked, it helped, but it also opened a Pandora of life consumptive goals and aspirations that were inevitably a complete game changer.
And in turn, changed my husbands lifestyle aswel!
It’s funny how that works out. As people change and grow, they kind of force those closest to them to adapt right alongside. It’s kind of like a do or die sort of thing. Couples tend to advance together, get stuck and grow stagnant together, or grow apart. I was following some relationship advice from Savannah Esposito in her mind blowing magazine column. One of them particularly struck a cord, because I was able to relate so deeply in terms of my writing development and the support needed from my husband to actually follow through.
In her article The Five Stages Of Love: Why Most People Give Up Around Stage Three Savannah explains how relationships go through the questioning each other, comparing yourselves to other couples, and even getting annoyed at the things you once loved about one another.
I think my husband and I entered this phase right about the time I was staring my third novel. He wanted to see me succeed, and he loved that I showed such dedication and passion to write, yet he really struggled with the time I had to put in. My writing career was transforming into just that…. A career rather than a hobby... We were changing as a couple, as parents, and as individuals. Getting through this phase in our relationship was crucial, as well as getting past that self-questioning phase in writing. LUCKILY, love and persistence prevailed for my husband and I as a team. We got through it, and are now in a new place. I take the time needed to write, AND I take the breaks needed to show him that my family is the most important thing. He supports me and is patient even when it’s a struggle because we’re a team. Even after eight years of marriage, seven miscarriages, and four books written, we’re still in love.
No relationship is perfect, and anyone who has ever loved a writer, knows that it isn’t always easy!! Writers are often distracted in thought (note how casually I say distracted HAHAHA, hello understatement!) We’re also often so consumed in a project that we don’t realize just how many hours are spent neglecting our loved ones. Finding balance in time is all a part of the struggle.
After reading Savannah’s article, I just had to read the next one in relation to love. I was just as touch by The Five Love Languages as I had been the previous one about love phases.
As a writer, the first two languages really shouted at me. Savannah explains that the first love language is all about how we talk to each other. After reading this I’ve thought back to all the positive things my husband has complimented on in terms of my writing, and realized in hindsight what a difference it really did make in times of struggle!
The second language she talks about is quality time. I think as a writer this one especially strikes a familiar tune. I’ve officially made it a goal to put my projects aside a little more often. Family does come first, and I need to show my husband and kids that I understand and appreciate this fact!
Check out Savannah’s articles that I’ve linked in friends! I’m confident that you’ll take as much out of them as I have!