I’m kind of an emotional mom today. I don’t write about this kind of stuff super often, I usually try to keep my mommy/wifey life and my writing life a bit separated. But for those of you who follow my stuff a bit more regularly, you might recall my mentioning a time or two the struggles I had having babies Transforming Personal Trauma and Devastation into Drive and a Sheer Will to Succeed. AND Our bodies remember trauma, even if our brains fail to register.
Anyhow, I’m not sure if it’s because it was so hard for me to have kids… or if it’s really just an every mom thing… but sometimes the milestones really take a toll on me. Today is one of those days! Perhaps it’s even the fact that I’ve had a hysterectomy and will never have more kids, each milestone is a one time thing and then it’s gone. Forever locked away in the memory bank, only be visited on the occasion where some random situation calls for it. I’ve found myself really wallowing today in that whole, ‘where did the time go’, frame of mind!
You see, it’s my son’s sixth birthday. *wipes tear* This year, he’ll be going to ALL DAY school for the first time ever. He’ll also be learning to read, and I’m going to have to let him ride on busses all by himself. Then to top things off, my daughter is going to preschool this year too!! I don’t know what I’m going to do for them first couple of weeks aside from bawl my eyes out and hide in my room, slamming shit around and refusing to shop or shower or function at all really. I’m sure the extra time alone will be helpful (eventually), especially with my writing. For now, I think I’ll just cry!
So how about it, Moms (and Dads, and Grandparents, and Caretakers alike)… Now that school is almost back into full swing, are any of you struggling emotionally as bad as I am? Perhaps I’m just an emotional quack today, and it’ll pass! …. But I doubt it!